Why Equals Make the Best Friends

Long before I heard the adage, "Equals make the best friends," I had thought about it and had come to that exact conclusion. Whether romantic, platonic or between artists, I believe there is one factor that would make two people equal in a relationship. That is security. Regardless of mutual interests, same social class or traits other than security, this factor must be present in order to develop a healthy friendshp based on equality.

Foremost, I would define security as possessing the ability to let the other person be themselves while being comfortable with one's own self. This would mean that you would be accepting of the other person's dreams, goals, skills, idiosyncrasies, general lifestyle and personality. You would respect the other person without feeling inferior or superior. The relationship could not thrive if either of the latter were present.

A secure person has no need to control his/her friend, and is not envious or needy. Again, this is true of platonic, romantic or artistic relationships. Even though art can be a competitive field, one is threatened neither by the quality of his friend's work nor the success of his career. Commonly, friends support each other.
I chose security as the determining factor because many other vital characteristics stem from this particular trait - namely trust, respect, integrity, honesty, and most importantly, self-esteem. These are all vital to a healthy friendship entered into by healthy people. While I would say that two unhealthy people could certainly have a lasting, unhealthy friendship as equals, I am not interested in discussing that type of equality......at this time.

Most of my platonic relationships have been with other women. Although like most women, I have experienced the occasional "girlfriend" who drains you with her insecurity, I feel extremely fortunate to have formed lasting friendships with women who are strong, independent, loyal and accepting of our differences.

Because of the nature of romantic relationships, where people often become enslaved by gender roles, it is not always so easy to achieve equality. Still, I have witnessed that some men are absolutely wonderfully secure in a relationship, treating their partner/friend as their equal.

Regarding relationships with other artists, I have established friendships with both men and women who are very good at what they do, have confidence in their abilities and again, recognize and accept the differences between us. However, this has not been true across the board. For the most part, I am glad to say that I view all of my artists friends as equals. Generally speaking, I am also interested in most artists' work.