Over ten years ago, I worked on a collaborative art project with a man who often mentioned his strong faith in God. I recall once asking him if his faith ever wavered, and he said, "no." When I asked him why this was true, he said it was because everything he had ever asked for had been given him. Although I didn't question him on what he had asked for, I was amazed that he felt his faith had never faltered, because mine sometimes does. I attribute this to the fact that I am human, and therefore fallible.
For me, it's easy to practice my spirituality from the inside out when everything is going well in my life. Small daily trials incessantly present themselves, but are smoothly navigated and more often than not, forgotten. However, there are three areas that I see as presenting major spiritual struggle. They are the inevitable emotional conflict following the loss of a loved one, acceptance of the realm of mystery accompanying one's belief in God, and lastly, overcoming specific spiritual contradictions within oneself.
Of these three, I see the latter as presenting the greatest struggle. I feel it is difficult to overcome spiritual contradictions within oneself for the following reasons, among others:
1) Failure to act upon one's initial prayer or intention 2) Either deliberately or subconsciously choosing to ignore the truth available within oneself 3) Asking God to help you and then trying to take the reins from him/her 4) Asking God to help you and refusing to do your part (see #1) 5) Forgoing the necessary work of developing yourself so as to be fitted to the dimensions of your request (How can you request something that you are not prepared to handle? Example: You have asked God for a mate who is honest, kind and loving, yet these traits have not been exhibited by you.) (Recently, I read somewhere that we can only expect to receive what we already possess in some capacity.)
It seems that living on this planet earth would make bouts of spiritual struggle inevitable. This is particularly true of situations where one's faith is tested, as happened to me seven years ago when entering the hospital for major surgery of high risk. Having constantly prayed fear-filled prayers for endless hours, I grew weary of the fear, finally letting go of it. I simply could not hold on to it because it was too exhausting. I could try to tell you what the letting go felt like but the only word that comes close is "freedom." Yet I think the struggle was necessary in order to arrive at that point.
In my next post, I will talk about how the painting process often feels like spiritual struggle.
Eating to Live
13 years ago
2 comments:
Please understand that the below is not meant to
offset what Georgette has written or to undermine her philosophy. Simply put, it is my attempt to catch the spirit of the butterfly, squirrel or chipmunk.
My spirituality is Mothernature. Intellectually
I cannot conceive (that's a funny word for a man to write!) of not being able to ask questions from a chosen spirituality.
Thus in believing in nature, I am intellectually
freed to be able to ask questions. To seek out truth both spiritually and in art. Is not art another expression of truth as we see it?
For me it makes sense and I can swim with the stream. My heart and spirit can follow the mind
that feels at peace. The below was written to a woman who had thanked me for something.
I whipped it up in a few minutes, relying on a memory of a backpacking trip in the Catskills.
Part of my spirit is still there; I see the rocks that crossed the tiny stream:
_______________________________________________
I miss sitting near a campfire, looking at
the coals. Off the main trail some 300 feet.
Listening to a gurgling stream.
But alas the Summer is almost over.
I will miss the smell of Pine trees.
Conversing with squirrels
and listening to good willed lectures
of flirting, wild chipmunks.
How I miss my friends
the Porcupines.
They are nocturnal.
Like racoons, they greet
the lonely backpacker.
Who's settled down for the night.
As I watch the stars
and see one falling
Streaking across the sky
I am reminded of her.
A woman I've never met yet.
Will she appear in my life
I ask the Great Spirit?
As I wash my face in the stream near
my tent. Washing off the food and
brushing my teeth in the darkness.
The fire snaps, crackles then hisses
as I pour water over the coals.
My dreams for another day
creep into my unconscious form.
Snuggled under my sleeping bag.
I am at peace, one with the Universe.
In the Spirit of Crazy Horse,
Thank you,
Human Being
They ate together after the service. It was in the eating that they bonded together much stronger than in other Churches. They didn't just run away after service.
As was true with any family, members accepted different personalities including some with defects of character. They mostly worked together and helped out those less fortunate.
If there had been any church I had joined that truely reflected a Christian atmosphere, this was it. I can still hear their voices, see their faces, the clothes each wore and their caring hearts.
I had been accepted when I was at the lowest or one of the lowest points in my life. I want to go back there, even if just once. To thank them, to hug a few and to let them know they helped save me when I couldn't save myself.
Today I pay forward to other souls. Some lost, some just needing a question answered and others who need more in-depth help. I have always volunteered. Thankfully there was a group of people who were there for me when I needed help.
I will go on as normal, as a volunteer in several groups. But I won't ever forget when I, a volunteer, fell down and needed other volunteers, to hold my heart and soul, when I needed it the most.
Peace and good medicine to you.
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